If you touch me, you'll understand what happiness is

OOC: After this talk

Nessie had been moved from place to place to place and was getting a little tired of it all. Boston was the newest place with her family, and her Grandpa Carlisle had gotten a job working at a hospital there, and after school she stopped by to say hi to him and then to go and talk to Aiden.

He seemed a little lost to her, but he also seemed like someone who could help her. She was tired of trying to fit in and tired of always listening to her parents and really tired of not being able to just say what she wanted to say. Aiden had at least let her a bunch of questions and hadn't been rude to her. Plus? Hot. And he couldn't kill her so it wasn't like her parents should be all upset.

And he seemed nice, just... sort of broody.

She was sitting with a cup of coffee in the cafeteria (that she wasn't drinking), waiting and hoping to run int him again.

1. He's not scared of Daddy.
2. He didn't break up with me after I told him the truth. Or most of the truth, at least.
3. He's smart, and he doesn't put me down just because I can be quiet at times.
4. Grandpa Carlisle and Grandma Esme both love him.
5. His book that he wrote is really cool.
6. He's my boyfriend!
7. He doesn't get freaked out by my powers.
8. He made love to me, and it was amazing.
9. He flirts with me at school.
10. I love him.

Renesmee 'Nessie' Cullen
Twilight
new_moon

Dear Diary,

Aunt Rosalie told me that I needed to be more outgoing, that I couldn't be a wallflower on my first day of school. But what am I supposed to do? Jake's dead. My best friend. And my Mom is gone visiting Grandma Renée because she was as upset as me, maybe more. It's hard, but I needed to be away from everything that reminded me of Jacob.

I hate that. I'm going to always remember him, because it pretty much sucks having a power like mine where memories are a huge deal. So, it's not like I don't already think about him every day already but, I think being in a new town helps me feel not as sad. He'd hate it if I was sad all the time about him, I think.

School is going to be boring. What can they teach me that Daddy or Grandpa Carlisle or anyone else hasn't already taught me? But, it's school. At least I met a friend today. His name's Drew Griffin, and he writes books. Or, he wrote one book and he's pretty cute. He even asked me on a date! I've never been on a date, so what should I do?

Aunt Alice would know, but I sort of want to figure it out on my own. Anyway, he's coming by to meet the family before we go see a movie and have coffee. I'll have to fake my way through coffee, but how cool is that on my first day?

Oh, got to run, diary. The doorbell's ringing!

Love,
Nessie

01.) Full name? Renesmee "Nessie" Carlie Cullen
02.) Best friend? She's got three - Jacob Black, who she has always seen as her best "guy friend" and nothing else. And then she's got Savannah Bradford, who is the magical daughter of Kennedy Bradford and Grace Lockhart. Her last one is Cassie Summers, the daughter of a mystical thing between Buffy Summers, Angel, and Spike. (This is canon from a book, no lie!) Basically, Nessie, Cassie, and Savvy consider themselves to be miracle girls who shouldn't have been born, yet somehow exist anyway.
03.) Sexuality? - Heterosexual, and she's still a virgin. She's only, what, barely 7 years old? *LOL*
04.) Favorite color? Blue or bronze, depending on her mood. The blue is more of a reminder of her family and she likes to honor that. The bronze is because of her hair color and how it matches her Dad's. She thinks it's cool. :)
05.) Relationship status? - Single. She has never had a boyfriend.
06.) Ideal mate? - Jacob Black, even though she really doesn't know it because she only thinks of him as a best friend.
07.) Turn-ons? - Smiles, laughs, having fun. Nessie is so soft-spoken that anyone who can break her out of her shell gets points with her. In terms of her family, that would typically be Emmett. In terms of her friends, Savvy is better than Cassie at it. But really, the best at it is Jake. Although she doesn't realize it, she's got a thing for bare chests, too.
08.) Last sexual experience? - She hasn't had sex, but Jake and Nessie teased each other enough that they made out and now she's completely confused.
09.) Favorite food? - Blood, if she has a choice. If she has to choose human food, though, then Chinese food.
10.) Crushes? - None right now, because everything with Jake is too confusing, although everyone else in her life would love to point out that she does, in fact, have a crush on Jake.
11.) Favorite music? - Edward's compositions. He plays more music now, and she bought him a new piano for Father's Day last year. He wrote a song for her and now she begs him to keep writing more, because part of her is jealous that her Mom gets a lot of the attention from Edward. Nessie is very much a Daddy's Girl, even though Bella was the one to give up so much of herself for her daughter.
12.) Biggest fear? - That she will lose all of her family somehow, or that the Volturi will return. She gets a lot of that self-sacrifice from her Mom.
13.) Biggest fantasy? - Nothing sexual, really. She likes kissing Jake and she likes looking at his bare chest after he has switched out of wolfy-form.
14.) Quirks in bed? - Still a virgin!
15.) Bad habits? - She's very quiet, because she doesn't like to speak her thoughts. Nessie still likes to "show" her emotions, which sometimes freaks certain people out. She needs to open up more and speak her mind.
16.) Biggest regret? - That she put her family in danger with the Volturi, and that her Mom almost died giving birth to her.
17.) Best kept secrets? - She doesn't have any. Nessie lets people know what she's thinking through touch, and so she's not very good at keeping secrets that way -- especially since she's got Edward around who can read her mind. He tries to give his family privacy, if possible, but sometimes he can't control how loud their thoughts are.
18.) Last thought? - "Why didn't I ever notice how hot Jacob was before?"
19.) Worst sexual experience? - None, yet.
20.) Biggest insecurity? - Almost everything. She tries to be strong for her family, especially now that most of them are trapped in Purgatory and it's partially up to her to get them out, but Nessie isn't strong the way others are. She's always doubting herself.

Nessie looked out the window of the car that her Dad was driving. His favorite car, of course -- the fastest one, the Aston Martin V12 Vanquish -- as she thought about her past and her future.

She figured her Dad was probably reading her mind right now, then remembered he tried to giver her privacy when he could. She missed her Mom... Bella had decided to go out to Jacksonville to visit with Grandma Renée for the first time since becoming a vampire. Nessie figured it was because she felt bad about spending so much time with her Grandpa Charlie or something like that, but she knew the real reason.

Her Mom missed Jacob.

Nessie missed Jacob.

"Nessie?" She turned and looked at her Dad, sighing. He must have known, right? How hard this was? "Do you want to talk?"

She shook her head. Nessie wasn't ever one who was good at talking; words just didn't seem to come to her easily, not like images. Not like memories and feelings she could show people when she touched them. "Grandpa Carlisle is already in Albany and everything's okay, right, Daddy?" That was a safe topic, she figured. Nothing to do with losing her best friend in the whole world.

Edward Cullen nodded his head as he drove faster than he had before. "Carlisle has the house ready, and all of our paperwork, as well. You'll be attending the high school in Conway, because the town doesn't appear to have a good one of its own. I'll be at the university along with Alice and Jasper. I'm still not certain if Em and Rosalie wish to go back to college, or to just enjoy married life with Donovan."

She'd known all of this already. It was just one of those things she wanted to hear again to pass the time so she wouldn't have to talk about Jacob.

Edward, though, kept looking at his daughter carefully. He was concerned for her -- Jacob had imprinted on Renesmee, but had never told her of it because she hadn't been old enough yet. He had died without her ever knowing, although the rest of the family knew. It was a tight line for the Cullens to walk, but Edward was bound to protect his daughter's feelings along with Bella's. It was the reason he had suggested the visit with Renée in the first place.

Nessie looked back out the window at the world passing her by quickly, and fell into silence again.

I don't want to talk about him, Daddy.

"I know," Edward replied aloud, the familiar telepathic communication slipping into place.

I loved him. I didn't have any other friends.

He nodded his head in understanding. Although he and Jacob Black had not always been the best of friends, he could not begrudge the boy his affection for Renesmee. Around him, Edward saw his daughter grow and blossom. He was worried now, but hopeful that Nessie's idea of a change in scenery would assist in her grieving process.

Do you think I'll ever find someone like Jake again, Daddy?

Edward smiled to himself, amused that although Nessie had said she didn't want to talk about him, that was exactly what she was doing. "I think so, Nessie. I hope so." He turned to look at his daughter. "No one can resist you, after all."

Nessie smiled a little at that and hoped it was true. It was a new school, a new town, new everything, and it had hurt her to leave Forks and Grandpa Charlie and the whole Quileute tribe at La Push, but she needed to get away. She needed to stop crying over Jake and Nessie figured her Mom did, too.

So, New Hampshire, it was.

Thank you for doing this, Daddy.

"Anything for you, Nessie," Edward answered as they neared their new home and new life.

1. Daddy, of course. He'd figure something out for us to survive.
2. Grandpa Carlisle, because if Daddy couldn't figure it out? Then Grandpa Carlisle could.
3. Uncle Emmett, because he would make it fun to be stuck on some island. How do you do that, anyway?
4. Mom. I miss her.
5. Cassie. One of my BFFs!
6. Savvy, my second BFF. We all sort of go hand-in-hand, like a package deal.
7. Jacob Black. [Locked to Jacob] I think you know why. [/Locked]
8. Aunt Alice, since she could probably see some vision that would help us out. She always does.
9. Uncle Jasper, because he could calm everyone down if people got freaked out somehow which considering we'd be stuck? That would come in handy.
10. I don't know who to put here. Grandma Esme? Lauren? Aunt Rosalie? No matter who I put, I'm leaving out someone else that I care about. So, I don't know. My list would be longer than ten, because I'd want the werewolves on here, too.

Renesmee 'Nessie' Cullen
Twilight
trappedsouls

I've got more than one best friend, so this is easy to answer.

1. I love Cassie's strength. She's just a great leader, and I know that she's going to make her mom proud.
2. I love Savvy's temper. Well, maybe that's the wrong word. See, Savvy is like her parents, and there's something about her where you know she can kick some butt and always win, if that makes sense.
3. I love Jacob's humor. I need someone like him in my life so I'm not so serious all the time.
4. I love Cassie's hair. That's sort of superficial, but she has awesome hair.
5. I love Savvy's determination, because it reminds me of myself a lot.
6. I love Jacob's ability to put up with just about anything. Considering my family, that's a big deal.
7. I love Cassie's smarts. I've learned a lot pretty quickly and easily, but Cassie had to do it the hard way and I think that's what makes her better at it than me.
8. I love Savvy's ability to be so outgoing. It's the opposite of me in a lot of ways, because she can just speak her mind and talking is usually so hard for me.
9. I love Jacob's loyalty. It's just... I don't know. He makes me feel comfortable around him. I trust him completely.
10. I love Jacob's half nakedness after he switches out of wolf-form.

Um. There's only 9 answers for me.

Renesmee 'Nessie' Cullen
Twilight
trappedsouls

1. Daddy. How can I not be? He's the best, really. I know I'm a total Daddy's girl, and I don't care. I don't think Mom does, either, really.
2. Mom, of course. For obvious reasons!
3. Every member of my vampire family, but especially Aunt Rosalie for helping out when I was little. Or, well, littler.
4. Jacob Black. He's my best friend! He teaches me all the cool things, like riding motorcycles and jumping off cliffs, and things Mom and Daddy won't let me do.
5. Cassie Summers. One of my two BFFs. She's been there for all of us and has always been the strong one.
6. Savvanah Bradford. Savvy, my other BFF! She has strength, too, but a different kind. Sort of like Jacob? More fun and out-there, which I know I need because sometimes I'm too quiet.
7. Grandpa Charlie. I think he's the only "normal" person I know (Because Grandma Renee doesn't count...)
8. All the werewolves. Even Leah. They didn't have to stand up for me when they did, but... well, they did and I'll never be able to repay them.
9. My half-brother Daniel in a completely alternate universe.
10. Quinn. Yes, Quinn, believe it or not. No real reason why, just because.

Renesmee 'Nessie' Cullen
Twilight
trapped_souls

Renesmee Carlie Cullen. It was a mouthful of a name, she remembered someone saying once. Just 'Nessie' was fine with her now.

She looked around where she, Cassie, Savvy, and Quinn had ended up and sighed. She had a job to do now. Only a little bit ago, Nessie remembered that she was looking forward to hanging out with Jacob and watching the Eclipse. She'd run home and hadn't said goodbye -- God, no goodbyes.

Aunt Alice? Uncle Jasper? Aunt Rosalie, Grandpa Carlisle, Grandma Esme... Uncle Emmett. Mom. Dad. Jacob. All gone, now.

Nessie wrapped her arms around herself. She had to be strong and believe they would do this and make it back home, and that everything would be okay. They'd find whatever lost family members were here and together with her best friends, she'd save them.

It was all she was holding onto right then.

Part of her smiled that there wasn't going to be any homework, though. It wasn't like she was learning stuff that she didn't already know from her family. When your parents were vampires and you got to hang out with werewolves, you ended up learning more than whatever they taught in Biology class.

Nessie sat down on the ground, thinking as she traced little lines in the dirt. She was Just 'Nessie' now, for sure, because she didn't have anything else. She missed Jacob's laugh already. And Daddy...? He had a smile that was amazing. Mom... Mom would've been pissed that she'd done this. She'd always been too overprotective of her, Nessie thought, but she was a Cullen! It was what they did! Whether it was fighting off the nomads or the Volturi, they stood their ground.

So Nessie would stand her ground with her friends, and they'd win. They had to.

Her heartbeat was faster than normal, which was saying something, and she looked at the mark on her hand that had bled. She remembered someone saying once that she was special. Her temperature was different -- higher, closer to Jacob's -- than the others. She couldn't be hurt, and yet she had been when it had come down to the prophecy. Maybe it was part of it? Maybe the magic knew somehow, and made it okay for it to happen just this once?

She stood slowly, smoothing out her unruly curls again, and looked ahead. She wasn't sure where she was going, but she knew she had to get there for her family's sake. For all of their sakes.

"I think I'm done."

Nessie looked around, trying to decide if everything was ready, but the decorations had been done by Alice, so there really wasn't any possible way she could go wrong. She turned to her aunt and asked for the thousandth time, "Will Daddy like it?"

A sigh. "Yes."

"Can you check again?"

Alice closed her eyes and concentrated, checking the future again. "Yes. He'll be happy, surprised, everything. You need to calm down, Nessie. You're making Esme worry about you."

Nessie pouted. "Everyone worries about me," she sighed. It really wasn't fair. They were all practically unkillable vampires, and she was only half a vampire. She understood why they were so protective, but it wasn't like she was the only weirdo around. Cassie and Savvanah were "strange" kids, too.

It was probably why they were friends.

"Okay, he's coming," Alice said with a kiss before she flittered away smiling. "Have fun!"

Once Edward came in, Nessie did her best not to let him inside her head, but it almost never worked. Still, he managed to smile at her and hug her. "Thank you. I love the new piano."

"It's Father's Day. I figured you would like a new one. Maybe you could write a song for me?" Nessie loved her mother, true, especially considering how much she'd risked her life just to give birth, but Nessie was a Daddy's Girl. No one seemed to mind. "I love you," she added before kissing his cheek and pressing her hand against his face so he could see the images of how hard she'd been working with Alice to keep it a secret -- no small thing, considering how her dad could read everyone's minds.

"I love you, too, Nessie," Edward replied, memorizing every detail of the images she sent to him so he could recall them at any moment. "Shall I start working on a new composition for you, then?"

She nodded, a little bit shyly, and stood next to the piano to watch him work. His hands were always so fast and amazing whenever he played.

Nessie never wanted to leave her family or friends or this place.

It was a shame that in a few days, she would wind up in Purgatory with a father who wouldn't remember the gift she'd given him. Or her.

OOC: This letter is for just_human, but was never sent.

Jacob,

Class was terrible today! Sometimes, I want to go to school where you went, but that would mean that I don't get to spend time with Cassie or Savannah. Could you talk to Daddy about home-schooling, maybe?

No, never mind, because again, I wouldn't get to see my two best friends.

Anyway, I turn 17 in two days! Aunt Alice wants a party, of course, and you're invited, naturally. Everyone is supposed to bring a date, but you know how I've never really been interested in dating so there's not really anyone I'd like to ask. So I was wondering, would you be my date? My big brother (sort of) date? I know it's weird and last minute, and I would owe you a huge favor.

Maybe we could go to La Push and I could play referee with the boys and you-know-who? I don't know, you can decide.

Oh, and I haven't forgotten about the eclipse tomorrow night. I'll be there, I swear.

Nessie :)